View Full Version : any advice???
05-03-2008, 04:26 PM
I am 26 married with three children. i love my family but rarely get time for myself. How is a person supposed to deal with sress of keeping up with the kids, husband and house. I am so unhappy alot of the time because i have lost myself. I am really put off by myself sometimes. So how do i fix that so that i can learn to love mself so i can be better at everything that i do.
05-03-2008, 09:38 PM
Do you have any family members or close friends that can take the kids? Even if it's just for an hour so you can get some coffee or just go do the Target shopping by yourself, you'll probably get a little boost. Or give yourself an hour after the kids have gone to bed to do something that YOU WANT to do. If your husband's home, maybe you can sneak out for a walk or for a drive or for time with a friend. Talk to your husband...maybe there's a time that can specifically be set aside for you. Maybe one day a week (or one day a month to start...whatever it takes to get him to sign on initially), you get to have Mom Day. I have no brilliance on the subject, but I thought I'd throw out a few ideas. Hope things get better for you soon!
05-03-2008, 10:25 PM
I know how you feel, and MommaC has great advice. It's hard to ask family to babysit sometimes, because you feel like you're pawning your kids off, but it's worth it in the long run, and if they don't want to, hopefully they'll tell you so no one feels resentful.
As far as getting the husband to "give" you a day, mine is not very good about that unless I put my foot down. Why is it that we have to negotiate for "time off" and they can pretty much run out the door on a whim? Rhetorical question, I suppose. . . .
05-03-2008, 11:19 PM
I've had to negotiate my way into every Sunday being my day 'off', Daddy's day with little girl. It was so hard to get to it, and lots of arguing. It was so worth the frustrations! Not only do I need that time, so does my daughter and husband. They don't get a lot of 1 on 1 time with just each other.
There are times when just knowing I am coming up on an entire day to do with as I please gives me enough boost to get through the house cleaning and tantrum referee-ing. Sometimes I just sit upstairs in our room watching TV and folding the endless amounts of laundry. Sometimes I spend the day out shopping. It always gives me a boost. It was worth the fight!
It isn't fair that we have to negotiate time to ourselves, just like myboysmom indicated. But, such is life for most of us. I always remind my husband that this newfound parental knowledge didn't just pop into my head when our daughter was born, so he can't 'assume' I can do it better so I should do it. He needs to invest the time too.
Get some time to yourself - even if it isn't an entire day. You sound like you need a break, and you need breaks regularly. We all do. Taking the babes out on a walk around the neighborhood if the weather permits can help. Just getting out in some fresh air helps. And don't forget - no matter what you do to recharge, make sure to steal a moment and look at your children, catalogue that picture away in you memory. Those children are really what it's all about.
05-04-2008, 03:35 AM
I recieved a gift certificate for a manicure. A simple painting of my nails, and it took like 45 minutes, and it totally changed the way that I felt, it's chipping now, but I still feel completely pampered, I told my hubby, once a month I'm going to go do this. I'm only 21, most girls my age are at the beauty parlor getting extravagant things done, I'm going to spend the 20 bucks to get my nails done. I need it. Maybe that would pop you up.
05-04-2008, 11:04 PM
Its hard handling all we do, the house, the kids, all I feel all I do is pack up stuff to put in the car and unpack stuff when we get home. I keep up the house the pets the kids and run a business. My husband is gone 2-3 nights a week at the Firedept so its all up to me. I have to take time everyday and do something for myself and so does everyother mom. I know its hard , but even if its time in the tub or shower to think about something other than the kids would be good. One thing that gets me through my days is some form of exercise. Moms need energy and they need to feel good at the end of the day..not just fall into bed. Try incorporating sometype of phsyical activity in your day even if its out playing in the yard , strolling your child in the neighborhood or riding your bike with your kids. Sometimes it can be exhausting trying to fit it in , but the benefits outway everything. I just read an article that if you workout with your children or they see you working out they are at a 70% chance more than likely to workout when they are older. Thats great news so why not start now.
05-05-2008, 05:58 PM
I'm with you on this. Taking a little time for yourself is one of the most challenging parts of motherhood. First it's just the time to do it, then the mom guilt kicks in. ;)
But it's so necessary! An hour on your own can do wonders for your emotional well being. One thing that has helped me tremendously is to do trades with friends. I'll take all the kids for an hour or so, then the next week my friend takes them all. Then you are helping your friend to get mommy time too!
05-06-2008, 11:10 AM
Sometimes so I don't start a argument I just take a longer shower, shave my legs and I feel better when I am done. Really its the little things. I went out on Sat to watch my Brother-in-law play in a band, I felt bad about going because I worked all day Sat and the went out and spent the night at my sister so I was away from the kids all day, but it was totally worth it. I got all dolled up and actually felt sexy, I even had a few guys hit on me. Anyway I compromised and on Sunday I took both kids with me to a Grad party, while my Hubby had sometime from himself. It worked out perfect.
Mary Alison Creech, MS
05-08-2008, 06:39 AM
Finding that balance is hard. But I always try to think of it this way: there should, in most every day if possible, be a time that you are with the kids, your husband is with the kids, you are with your husband, each of you have time alone, and if possible each of you has time with each child...even if it's 10 min on any of those. Relationships are built thru all of those. And each of them are important to keep a family strong. I'm with Beth on getting in some form of exercise to keep your energy and strength up. You'd be surprised how much better you feel. Getting the kids outside or going for a walk/stroll together as a family can be so fun! and no one knows they are actually getting 'exercise'!
So look at any options you have for getting some time for you and with your husband too. Keep your relationship strong with him too! It may sound complicated and like it takes too much effort, but once you try to look at it that way and figure out some ways to make some time for every scenario, it becomes easy to think like that. And talk to your husband rationally about all of it and come up with a plan together.
Our balance in life is very hard to achieve, I struggle, as does every mom, every day to keep that balance. We have the hardest job IN THE WORLD by far. Taking it all in stride is key and thinking rationally about what's important and how to be happy with ourselves and our lives is at the base of it all.
05-09-2008, 06:41 AM
I agree with all of the above. It is SO hard to find a balance. one thing that is really important is finding out 'what makes you truely happy'. This is different for everyone, and based on our personality. For some it is being with friends, for some it is accomplishing something-work wise, for some it being alone, for some it is creating something, and the list goes on and on. Finding this and then finding a way to do it almost everyday is very important. There are some things that research consistently says helps people to be 'happier'--these are being healthy, have a sense of spirituality, and being in 'good' relationship (good is key here, b/c according to happiness research, people are happier being single--even with kids--than being in an unsupportive relationship).
So if it is difficult to find the things that make you truely happy--try spending some time doing the three things above --1) being healthy (eat sensibly and take time to exercise) 2) engage in some type of spiritual practice (it can be religious or not) 3) work on having a healthy, supportive relationship with your spouse (as mentioned above spend quality time together)
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