05-02-2008, 02:48 PM
my 1 yr old throws a fit every time she dont get what she wants what kind of thing should i disiplne with spoon paddle or my hand need advice
05-02-2008, 04:37 PM
Although I do believe in spanking, I think spanking in the middle of a tantrum might just escalate the situation (which is probably not what you are wanting). Always be calm and firm. If she's throwing a fit, you can put her in her room until she calms down. When she's reasonable, you can either discuss the situation with her (hard to do with one so little), or you can just move on. The best thing at this age is to try to prevent the tantrums. I don't mean you should just give her whatever she wants to keep her happy, though. You probably have an idea of what kinds of things set her off. If just hearing the word "no" sets her off, don't use it. If she wants a cookie but can't have one, say, "You can have a cracker or some water." (You're telling her what she can have instead of telling her that she can't have what she wants.) I reserve spanking for situations of direct disobedience (the child understands the rules and breaks them anyway). Hope that's helpful for you! The two books I'm really liking so far for discipline are:
Don't Make Me Count to Three (by Ginger Plowman)
05-02-2008, 10:23 PM
I remember almost losing my mind when my daughter started throwing tantrums, right at the 12mo mark. I did a ton of reading, and a whole lot of trial and error. It is rough no matter how you slice it! First good thing we did was totally baby proof the entire common area, and her room. Ideally, should baby proof the entire house, but we have a really big house so we've only done where needed in little used rooms (she does need to learn 'no'). That saved a lot of headache because she wasn't getting into things or grabbing things I didn't want or couldn't let her have for safety reasons. Then we went about putting out baby/toddler approved items in places we knew she would be intrigued in reaching. Blocks, legos, un used remote controls, non working cell phone, boxes of all sizes, etc. Tantrums still came in full force, seemingly out of no where. We've learned to go down to her level, speaking in low & calm voices telling her why she can't have or do whatever it is she's raging about (a lot of times I don't even know for sure what she wants). Then, we walk away. The areas are safe already, and she can tantrum to her hearts content. Most of the time, once we've removed our audience, the tantrum ceases. She's learned to take it up a notch at times just to test. We stand firm. When she throws a toy, its put away for the remainder of the day (I have filled cabinets before). If she throws a fit during a meal, the meal is over. There usually another snack time in a couple hours, so she isn't going to starve. She has gone to bed hungry but only once.
And you might feel stupid, but talk to her. Tell her exactly why you can't do it, not just that you can't. Don't bargain with her, but talk to her. I felt so dumb at first, but now that she is 19mo and can communicate a touch better it is really paying off. This is the prime time to teach her how to interact with you and others around you. Her brain is so under developed she CAN'T know how to NOT throw a tantrum. There is no other way for her right now, her verbal skills are just beginning to form. Teaching her to point (one of my most hated habits) helps, as does sign language. I looked up some primary signs and the speed at which they catch on it nothing short of amazing. She can tell me milk, sleep, hungry, please, thank you, water, bath, and a few others. This is the time to really hang in there and teach her, she can't know unless you teach her. And sometimes I've noticed a good snuggle with mom is enough to get her through the tough 5-7 pm stretch. I just sit down with her on the floor, tv off, and we read a book or we giggle or push a ball around. Its hard because my mind is on the million household things I have to get to RIGHT NOW, but ultimately most things can wait 15-20 minutes so I can get one of those 'moments' with my girl.
I'm a HUGE supernanny fan. So is my husband! He calls me to remind me to make sure the DVR is set every week, and first show after baby goes to bed is Jo Jo.
These tantrums are her next form of communication. It is really really hard to cope at times, and it helps to find little snatches of time for yourself alone. I for one love the bathroom with the door closed because my little one will just sit right outside the door, banging on it. I know right where she is, and I still get just a few minutes to breathe. Stick with it, and hang in there! The seeds you're sowing right now will be reaped for years to come, so patience and preserverence are key.
By the way - I too believe in spanking, but I haven't reached a point that I fully believe she KNOWS what she's doing is wrong in a situation bad enough to warrant me inflicting bodily pain on her. I know the time will come, but they are so young and innocent right now. I save timeouts for her worst infractions (hitting is HUGE right now), and it breaks her heart every time. That's the most I can do to her for now.
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