Same sex parents?

[christina.chen]

Do you object to same-sex parenting? This Babytalk article (http://www.parenting.com/article/Baby/Care/A-Night-in-the-Life-of-a-Sleepless-Mom-21391693/1) has aroused a ton of controversy - even though the article has nothing to do with the fact that the author happens to be a lesbian.

I personally don't get all the fuss, but what do you think?

[mangotango]

I think all that matters is that a child has two loving parents. Why do people need to judge other people like it's their business?

[travelchick2]

I think its refreshing to see something from same-sex parents!! I am a single lesbian mom. Doesn't mean I dont love my son just the same. Our struggles are still the same, but they are also worlds apart. I have been scrutinized by family and friends who wonder what will happen when he grows up. I just reply, "I will still be there to love him and guide him, just like any other parent!" :)
I think the more diversity in our family magazines, the better. I think we all know by now that family consists of people who love each other, no matter how we are connected.

[thbeckman]

Yes it is wrong! Put aside the religious and political debate of same sex marriage and parenting, it is not natural! The male and female human bodies fit together and work together to produce children. Same sex partners do not fit like a puzzle such as nature intended, and do not produce children together, therefore, no it is not right.

[sarahdennisscott]

I don't think that this issue can be summed up to little questions like "Well, can they get the love they need?" or "Will they be provided for?" I think this would really confuse a child. A friend of mine in high school had 2 moms. I was one of the few people she ever told or had over because she was really ashamed. I'm sure that if my parents had known, I would not have been allowed at her house.

On SO MANY LEVELS this is really just wrong!! If you love a child that much, love them enough to allow them a healthy, happy, NORMAL life.

[peanut]

Whatever the sex of the parents are be the same or different what matter's is that the child or children be loved and cared for by people who want to be parents. Really what is a normal happy life. My sister is no longer married, she is a single parent who raises healthy children. Happy well they would prefer to have a father who wants them and doesn't tell them everything they do wrong and make them feel like they are good enough.
I want the best for my daughter and my husband and I try. But to say that if I were a same sex couple that would make me less of a parent come on. That would be like saying that all single parents are horrible. Anyone want to comment on Brittany Spears she had a husband. She is making some great decisions.
It matters that you want to be a parent!!! You want to love and raise them. It is not important if thy are straight, gay or lesbian. I would never prevent my child from having friends because of what kind of parent situation they have. But maybe I am insane?

[lamron]

God made men and women for a reason... They fit, people!! If you want to be gay or lesbian, that's your choice but don't force it on children or adults or even pretend that it's normal. There are so many things wrong in the world today, and this is a big one!

[Casalinga]

If you want to be gay or lesbian, that's your choice !

No, it's not a choice.

My theory about this is that it would be so much better if all gay people everywhere would just come out. Then maybe everyone would realize that we all have gay friends and family members and see that this is not a lifestyle choice and to let them live their lives like the normal people they are.

[lov911]

I cannot believe people are making an issue out of this. Is this the 21st century or are we still stuck in the 20th? A loving home is a loving home--in this day and age it should be pretty clear that "All we need is love" and that applies to a child as well. I am a single lesbian parent of a delicious 2 year old little girl and my life has never been better. I have straight friends of my parents asking me to raise their grandkids because they are so impressed with how my child's personality and behavior (I thought this was a pretty big compliment!). In any case, just because I am a lesbian does not mean I do not possess the same biological imperatives inherent to womanhood. I wanted a baby for years and finally decided to stop waitng for the right person with whom to share the experience. I have never been happier or more fufilled. Can we focus instead on healthy parenting and creating a healthy society for all?

[LarrynCharis]

As a Christian, I do not agree personally with a gay or lesbian lifestyle. BUT, as a Christian I also believe that every individual must live their life according to what they believe is right, and that every person should be treated with respect, NO MATTER WHAT RACE, SEX, RELIGION, OR LIFESTYLE. Just because I don't agree with it doesn't make me right and them wrong.
I have a male friend who is gay, and I cannot tell you how I value his friendship. I also think he and his partner would make great parents because they also believe that everyone is valuable no matter what.
So logically, who would be the better parents for a child; parents that teach their child that everyone should be treated with respect, and encourage being an individual or a child who is called 'stupid' because they didn't get all A's on their report card, or 'will never amount to anything' because they didn't make the football team? Can you tell a difference between the two scenarios? Is one set of parents gay or lesbian and one set straight?
And as for not being natrual, whatever.
Look at elephants, they live in a stricly matriarchal society, and run off male elephants when they reach puberty.
Bull cows are usually kept separate from steers, or are not kept with them for long periods of time because they will begin to show homosexual tendancies. There are many examples in nature that contradict that it's 'not natural. Look it up.
My point after all of my babbling is, what difference does it make what kind of parents you have so long as the child is loved, shown love, and hopfuly given examples of how important all people are.

[lexylou]

concerned about?

I mean seriously? Lets see a child has two loving parents. What can be wrong with that?

I don't get it. Why do straight people (and I am straight) feel that they can decide what is "right". It's not like we have it so right. Our divorce rate is over 50%, we have abusive marriages, abusive parents, etc...how is that better than a loving same sex family?

We're from San Francisco but now live in NJ. When we were home for Christmas, we took our girls on a walk through the Castro in SF. My husband and I were so happy to be in such a wonderful area with so many loving families (same sex and straight). All our kids just said hi to each other while passing, played with the same doggies, talked to each other. As parents we all just laughed and chated about our kids.

Our sexuality wasn't even an issue. Why should it be? What does it have to do with parenting?

[emerg55]

As a well educated professional I find it very interesting that individuals in today’s society still want to debate the right or wrongness of individuals in same sex relationships becoming parents when in our own backyards in the traditional family setting we have children not being provided with the basic needs of food, shelter, clothing and safety. They are being abused and turning to living on the streets as the alternative. Can we honesty say that the traditional setting for parenting is the “RIGHT WAY”?

Insinuating that what God “intended” or the proper “fit” to the puzzle is what constitutes a good parent is suggesting that just because you can create a child automatically makes you a good parent. I think we all know that this is not true. There are good single parents, straight parents and same sex parents just like there are bad respectfully.
In my opinion good parents are individuals that truly want to have children and consciously make the choice to bring a child into the world with the understanding that from that point on their child’s needs will come first.

It is true a child needs love but that is just the tip of the iceberg. Of equal importance to providing love a parent must role model a loving home environment, respect for themselves and others, honesty, openness and acceptance, as well as, the importance of a higher education and to be respectful of our environment. If all parents focus on the important aspects of parenting our children will grow up to be healthy, happy and balanced individuals regardless of who their parents are. It is the lack of these types of values in ourselve’s and our children that create obstacles and challenges.

The world is changing and for that I am greatful, as are the blacks and women I’m sure. We should embrace this with open arms and hope for peace and harmony. As an aside I am in a loving long term same sex relationship and we have a 10 month old daughter. We hope to instill these values in our daughter and we believe because of that someday she will make a difference in this world.

[ninasis]

It is unimaginable to me that in this day and age we are still arguing over the "rightness" of being gay. That there are still ignorant people who claim that being gay is a choice.

Was it a choice when my then-4 year old foster brother told his therapist that he is really a girl, but was born in the wrong body? Is it wrong that the now 8-year old boy has decided that he doesn't want to be a girl anymore because the kids at his school have teased him mercilessly for being different. Even though he really is a girl inside, he doesn't want to feel that way anymore because he can't take the ridicule. He's EIGHT. He did not CHOOSE anything, he was BORN the way he is. He is not transgendered, or homosexual, or whatever he ends up being, because of the abuse and neglect he suffered from his birth parents - he suffered that abuse and neglect because of the way he was born. Because his MARRIED, HETEROSEXUAL parents were so enraged that they could have produced a child who wasn't "normal." Every day STRAIGHT couples abuse and neglect their children, and nobody is running around screaming that we shouldn't let heterosexuals raise kids.

Same-sex couples should be afforded the exact same rights, and respect, that straight couples receive. They pay the same taxes, they have to follow the same laws and have the same worries and responsibilities that straights have. They just happen to love someone with matching genetalia.

As to kids being embarrassed about having same-sex parents - that is the fault of other kids, and stupid people in society, who feel it's okay to cast judgment on other people. That is not the fault of the kid's parents. My son may one day be embarrassed about how overweight I am, or how loud I scream at his soccer games...but as long as I give him all the love I have, and do the best job that I can as his mother, hopefully he will one day grow out of that embarrassment and and I'll just be Mom. But I will guarantee you that he will NEVER think that it is wrong for a man to love another man, or a woman another woman. Because love is love, and God knows the world needs as much love as we can get these days.

[sarahdennisscott]

Wow... this is so scary!! I can't believe that some of you are raising children!!

Why does everyone keep bringing up the divorce rate and abusive homes. Obviously, those are not ideal situations and anyone with a brain cell would agree on that!!

There is just too much hate on this thread!

[emerg55]

Interesting belief.....If this is true, then my question back to you is "why have my married, successful, kind, generous and heterosexual friend couple (with all the anatomical correct parts) not been able to conceive a child after many years of trying while drug addicts, alcoholics, 15 year olds (and even younger) as well as many men and women that are unable to love and provide for a child are having babies every day. This is what is "wrong". These types of belief have no bearing on parenting at all. They are judgement statements that people use to hide behind prejudice and non accepting behaviours.

[cwillard]

Wow.....I am amazed at some of the responses....I guess along with the challenge of raising our child, we will have to explain why some parents are mean, close minded, and judgmental.....God made men and women the way he did so they could produce children.....so why does "infertility" exist? If heterosexuals are such great parents why is the divorce rate so high? domestic violence on the rise and children being abandoned? Don't get me wrong, I just want to raise the child the best I can, provide for them, and love them. And I want everyone else to do the same. I do not wave a flag, or demand this right or that....I don't flaunt it or force people to deal with it.....just don't hate me, void me, judge me or inflict your beliefs on me and I will treat you the same......

[emerg55]

I would like to change the focus of this thread and try to take something away on a positive note that would be beneficial to me as a same sex parent.
Here is something I would love to have some insight on if ANYONE has some suggestions or experience. Prior to having our daughter and of course now that she has arrived my partner and I have had a lot of discussion on when she is age appropriate how we would respond to her questions like......where did I come from? ......Where or who is my dad and Why do I have 2 mom's. I would love to hear about discissions that worked with your children and suggestions to avoid that didn't work so well.

[ledhed]

A long time ago couples of different races weren't allowed to marry.It's really sad when people let things like race and sex become an excuse to deter people who are in love from being together and having kids.The only things that hurt children is not being loved or being abused.The more harmony in the child's home,the better chance he or she has at a normal life.Someday we'll all look back on these times and feel ahamed to have acted so ignorantly.

[iloveoandj]

Kids need love, stability and nurturing. I don't care who gives it to them as long as they get it.

[tripletmoms]

Of course there's contraversy. There is nothing wrong with loving a person and wanting to share your life with them. Having children is part of that life. I thought this forum was to discuss the children, and help parents. I am a lesbian with 10 month old triplet boys and I would not have it anyother way.
Yep triplets, all teething, not on the same schedule and not sleeping thru the night. Any suggestions on "that" issue?

[emerg55]

Oh my goodness.....I hear what you are saying but I only have one almost 11 month old. WOW....I couldn't imagine 3 at the same time. My hat's off too you. Your positive outlook will get you thru. Sleep, who would of thought it could be so precious! All the best with your boys.

[Ziggy]

For somebody like me, a young lesbian unsure of whether or not she wants children, this kind of thread and the persistence of this mindset in some people is one of the things that *most* encourages me to have children. If I want to give a kid a happy home someday, I will do just that. And I think it's ridiculous to tell people that they shouldn't be able or allowed to.

My roomate is the daughter of a lesbian couple. She's great. Her moms are great. She loves them, they love her and her brother. I really don't see the issue.

[myndi77]

Yes it is wrong! Put aside the religious and political debate of same sex marriage and parenting, it is not natural! The male and female human bodies fit together and work together to produce children. Same sex partners do not fit like a puzzle such as nature intended, and do not produce children together, therefore, no it is not right.

are you kidding me? just because i'm a lesbian doesn't mean that i can't get pregnant! my body works just the same way as other mothers' bodies do...i got pregnant, gave birth, and i am breastfeeding...all of it very natural! our daughter has two mommies who nurture her, protect her, and love her...she is better off than a lot of the children out there who are raised by heterosexual couples.

[myndi77]

I don't think that this issue can be summed up to little questions like "Well, can they get the love they need?" or "Will they be provided for?" I think this would really confuse a child. A friend of mine in high school had 2 moms. I was one of the few people she ever told or had over because she was really ashamed. I'm sure that if my parents had known, I would not have been allowed at her house.

On SO MANY LEVELS this is really just wrong!! If you love a child that much, love them enough to allow them a healthy, happy, NORMAL life.

do the research...there is AMPLE research available to prove that children raised by same-sex parents DO lead "healthy, happy, NORMAL" lives. you are basing your opinion on ONE instance, which is completely unfair and ignorant.

[myndi77]

God made men and women for a reason... They fit, people!! If you want to be gay or lesbian, that's your choice but don't force it on children or adults or even pretend that it's normal. There are so many things wrong in the world today, and this is a big one!

the question here has nothing to do with god...who says we even all believe in your god?? you're telling me that when there are people starving and dying everyday, when children are abused everyday, when countries are at war everyday, etc, that being gay is one of the big wrongs in the world?? seriously? open your eyes and your mind...it'll feel good, i promise.

[alainared]

Growing up with four families is hard. My mother wasnt around very much but fortunately I had a step-mother that was wonderful. For a long time my father tried to serve as both mother and father. It was very hard for me to understand the things that go on with a womans body since my dad didnt know very much. Still to this day the smallest thing shows up and I freak out. So it was hard for both of us. There were many trips to the emergency room that were not needed. A child need both a mother figure and a father figure. I think its okay as long as one of the parents know quite a bit about the oppostie sex. Enough to teach thier child about both sexes so that there is no confusion.

[charlyBUG]

I personally find it disgusting that some people are so rude about gay marraige. Gay people are just the same as straight (I am straight by the way) and deserve the same rights that straight people have, which includes being married to who you want to be. My oldest daughter, Taylin, does cheerleading and her coach is gay but he is extremely nice and caring for the girls. I think he will make an amazing father one day no matter what his sexuality is. I also went to school with many lesbians, and many of my friends are gay or lesbian. I find it disgusting that many of you would put down someone for there sexuality. All that truly matters is that the child has two loving parents and is happy. I once read an article in a magazine about a teenager who's parents were lesbian. She invited some girls over to her house and one of them dared to ask if the mom would hit on her. The teen did a great job at answering and put it perspective, if she went to there house, would the dad hit on her? Of course the answer is NO!!! I do not approve of judging people by sexuality!

[lisa710]

Straight or gay...tolerant people raise tolerant children. In todays violent, judgmental society where ostracized children are turning into teenage assassins, I am much more concerned about parenting style than parent sexuality. Judgment breeds negativity. I will always teach my child that the smartest people in the world are those who try their hardest to understand both sides of a situation regardless of their own opinion of it.

[KelEMcE]

My six year old recently asked me if boys ever fall in love with boys. I thought my husband would fall off his chair! My three year old said, "No, girls marry boys and boys marry girls. " My six year old then said, "But what if a boy falls in love with a boy?" And her sister said, "Then they have a wedding and they both wear tuxedos."

BOY was I unprepared for this discussion at age 6 and 3! But how great that the girls came to a great conclusion on their own. All of their friends have heterosexual parents, we live in a VERY homogeneous area with no obviously gay couples, they have no exposure to the concept of "gay" or "straight" at all. So after explaining that girls and boys do not marry anyone until they are women and men (and no dating until you are 30, according to Daddy!), I explained that sometimes men and women fall in love, and sometimes a man falls in love with another man or a woman falls in love with another woman. So then my six year old asked, "Well, you said that a daddy and a mommy make a baby together. So what if there is no daddy?" and my three year old said, "They can borrow one."

From the mouths of babes, people. If we can teach tolerance and acceptance, shouldn't we? This is not your grandma's country anymore. When I was a little girl, the children of mixed race couples were just being accepted, and I couldn't understand how they were any different than my brothers and sisters and me. Now the big issue is children of gay couples? It's a non issue.

[mamafrida]

I recently had a baby. I had been planning my pregnancy for 6 years. Before I got pregnant, I discussed it with my partner, decided how we would conceive, discussed the topic with our known donor, planned the roles we would all have in the baby's life, and talked with a lawyer to plan for the potential event of any disruption in our baby's life. Once I got pregnant, my partner and I paid a lawyer 3,000 for her to do a second parent adoption, and for any court costs of our donor terminating his parental rights. We made an intentional decision to have a baby and made sure we were ready to do this. Many heterosexual couples I know just get pregnant. I have a relative who is on kid number 4, the couple has no job, and they don't pay attention to their kids.

My 2 month old son now has 2 moms. He has 2 women who are both extremely nurturing caring for him. We both do the diaper changes, the feedings, the rocking to sleep, the nurturing. If anything we argue over who gets to do stuff with the baby. Contrast this with some heterosexual women I talk to-who feel overwhelmed because their husbands won't help with the baby. I've met women who can't even take a shower because their husbands won't help for even 15 minutes.

My son is lucky-he has 2 moms that made the intentional decision to be parents. That love him to pieces and are ready, willing and able to care for him. He also has his donor who is starting a college fund for him, shows off many pictures of him to everyone he knows, and I'm pretty sure will always be there for him. He also has a slew of relatives doting on him, and 3 sets of grandparents all ready to spoil him. If anything my son has more love and support than most kids from heterosexual relationships.

I'm not saying we are perfect-however my son is starting his life out as a very lucky and loved human being. He is extremely wanted and loved. How could his circumstances be anything but right? Just because he has 2 moms? I say 2 moms are better than 1!

[WilliamnJacksmom]

I will say that I believe there is nothing wrong with it. The argument that those use is that something will be wrong with the child or the kid will somehow be screwed up really annoys me as I was raised by a lesbian mother. My sister is also a lesbian and I look forward to her and her g/f having babies!! I think those that are judging should not be casting the first stone. If they would like to bring the bible into it it is said in the Bible "Judge not lest ye be judged." And "He that is wihout sin cast the first stone." Get off your soap boxes and realize that love is love no matter who it is with!!!!

[WilliamnJacksmom]

do the research...there is AMPLE research available to prove that children raised by same-sex parents DO lead "healthy, happy, NORMAL" lives. you are basing your opinion on ONE instance, which is completely unfair and ignorant.
As I stated before I am the daughter of a lesbian and I turned out just fine. I am married with two children of my own. I was not ashamed or embarassed. It was the people that didn't agree with the lifestyle that made you feel like you should be ashamed, but I will say that I never was! my mother loved me and that was no different than when she was married to my father. The love for the mate changed never me!!! I am actually glad to read this all because I can see that people are not as intolerant to this as they once were.

[oasisannie]

I've known both heterosexual couples and gay couples who have been terrible parents and great parents. Good parenting has nothing to do with sexual orientation. When kids get older, they are usually ashamed of something their parents have done anyway; wrong job, funny clothes, bad haircut, divorced, etc. And don't forget, there are also parents who do everything right, and their kids can still grow up to have major problems. Live and let live....as long as the child is loved and parents behave appropriately, I'm happy.

[hotmomof2]

Besides Religoius, Ect Views, A Child Needs To See How A Man And A Woman Are Supposed To Act And A Woman Acting Like A Daddy Or Whatever They Want To Call Themselves Is Just Not Right. How Is A Little Boy Supposed To Learn To Be A Man If He Has 2 Mothers?? There Is A Mand And A Wmoan For A Reason. We Don't Have A Choice. If You're Woman, Act Like A Woman And Stop Trying To Be A Man. That's Absolutely Disgusting. I Feel Bad For The Kids That Grow Up In Same-sex Homes. They Are Probably Teased At School For Something That Is Not Their Fault But Is The Parents Fault. Children Shouldn't Have To Live With Things Like People Teasing Them And Parents Not Wanting Thier Kids To Play With The "gay Couples" Kids. If You Want To Be Gay, Fine. Whatever. But Don't Affect The Lives Of Innocent Children Because You Are Too Selfish To Act The Way You Are Supposed To Act. You Want To Be A Gay Mother? Get A Dog. Stop Giving Extra Stress To Children.

[Reysoulchild]

I think that if two men or two women love each other and want to raise children than props to them & I wish them the best of luck. To see 2 parents who love each other is the healthiest thing a child can see it doesn't matter if they're black, white, men, women, whatever... when they love each other its all good :)