2-year-old, clinging to mom, very shy

[auntie]

my sister has a 2-year-old girl, zoe, who is incredibly clingy to her. zoe is also very bashful, even around family members who she sees somewhat regularly. from what i can observe, my sister is causing zoe's behavior to occur.

here's why:
my sister sleeps in the same room with zoe (not with her husband); she never wants zoe to be sad; she will take zoe from people who are holding her if she thinks zoe will become sad. otherwise, my sister is an awesome mom. she plays with zoe, reads with her constantly, takes her to the park, etc.

however, when zoe becomes overly clingy, my sister starts to get angry. it's almost like she hold all of her emotions in until she can't handle it anymore. when she "snaps," she says things like, "get off me!" but zoe continues to hang onto her like a little monkey and my sister allows it to continue since she feels she has no other choice. i think my sister wants help. she wants to know how to get zoe to be more independent, but she's not willing to listen to my advice (e.g. don't sleep in the same room with her; let her cry ... she needs to feel emotions, be firm with her yet don't get angry/frustrated with her etc.).

i can't get my sister to listen to me, and since i don't have kids i'm sure she thinks my advice is crap.

moms: what can i do to help my sister? i think she needs to adjust HER behaviors before the baby's behavior can be fixed. do you agree? if so, how can i get thru to my sister?

[big-mouth-burgher]

Yes, I think your sis does need to adjust herself. The more you smother your child at home and in familiar places, the more your child will feel the need to cling to you in public. If I have to stay close to mommy at home I surely have to stay close to mommy at grandmas, the park, etc.

Send your sister over to join us. Let her read these posts, maybe she'll listen to moms who have BTDT!

[RMMom]

I have a 2.5 year old who has always been a clinger. My husband and I, in our quest to make her more independent, started by giving her little jobs that she can do and feel good about. For example, my daughter can brush her teeth completely on her own - puts the toothpaste on the brush, rinses it, puts it away and turns off the light. She actually gets upset if I have the audacity to turn off the light for her! She gets our dog's bone's in the morning, gets her own silverware for dinner, etc. Maybe you could suggest to your sister that she start letting Zoe do these things on her own (if she doesn't already that is!) Toddlers seem to like feeling independent and like helping out - this might help Zoe learn independence and make her feel good about it. She may stop clinging to mom so much. Once Zoe learns how to do some of these things, mom can start having her sleep on her own (that would prob. help with the independence thing too). Although I don't know your sister, much of what you said sounds correct - your sister will have to change her behavior in order for Zoe to change hers. I'm sure it's a touchy subject - telling your sister how to raise her child. If you're around Zoe, maybe you could start by giving her little jobs to do and really praising her for them! If your niece reacts positively, your sister will see that and hopefully start using those tools to help her daughter. If not, I'm sure your niece will eventually come around - she won't want to cling to mom forever! Good luck!