Please help me! I am SO overwhelmed!

[nursegina]

I am a mother of two with a third due in December. My two sons are 4 and 18 months old. My four year old just started pre-k. He is doing very well according to his teachers. He is very smart and eager to please his teachers and make friends. The problems we are having with him are at home. He screams and makes loud annoying noises constantly, and now his little brother is sharing in this. He is constantly coming in to the kitchen when it's blocked off with a baby gate. Now his little brother climbs over the gate right after him. He doesn't listen, tells us no, fights going to bed, screams and hollers, whines, and just doesn't listen well in general. The other thing is, although he is a picky eater, is constantly asking for food. I feel like a bad parent telling him "no" when he is hungry, or so he says he is. However, if I let him eat whenever he wanted he would literally eat all day and doesn't always want healthy foods. He eats fruit, yogurt, and applesauce and at meals will eat meats, but he definately prefers junk food. I wonder if he is bored and that's why he wants to eat. I have been trying to make him eat healthier and get outside to play more and use more energy. As well, I have been trying to get him to do more activities such as art projects, etc. It helps a little bit, but when the activity is done so is the positive behavior. Another recent change is that his father is now staying at home with him through the week due to job loss we can't afford daycare. We are stressed out about finances, the new baby coming, and the kids behaviors. Its hard to teach our 18 month old right from wrong when our four year old isn't under control and behaving the way we expect them both to. Any suggestions?

[moonemaiden]

I remember when my daughter started preschool. The teachers held a conference which pretty much told all parents that BECAUSE the kids are good in school all day they tend to act out more at home. That could explain why he's acting out more.

Also, with all the changes that are going on in your home, it sounds (on this end) as if the rules have become blurry. You and your husband need to sit down and decide what is important and what can slide (pick your battles) and then set some rules with specific consequences if those boundaries are crossed. These rules should apply to all children. It may take a little time, but with clear and consistent boundaries his behavior will become more acceptable. It's important that both you and your husband are using the same consequences and the same rules. Otherwise, your children will learn that mommy or daddy is easier and start playing you off each other.

Good luck with all these changes

[big-mouth-burgher]

Another idea on the consistant rules & consequence. They have the rules posted at most pre-schools and go over then often with the children. Why not write the rules on construction paper and post them on your refrigerator. I know the kids can't read them yet, but just seeing the paper may be enought to remind them, you, & hubby of the rules. Be sure to go over the rules every couple of days. You could even list the consequenses on this paper too. It costs nothing to try it and it may work for you.

[moonemaiden]

That's a great idea! I may try that with my kids. I am constantly having to remind my 7 year old of the rules, she always seems to "forget" and then pouts when she gets in trouble. Having them posted can make things much easier.

[nursegina]

I decided to set up a rewards system with posted rules as you suggested. I made a poster board with a stop light and there is a velcro piece next to each light and a car that my son helped me make that can attatch to the velcro. If his car stays on the green light all day he gets to get a treat from the "treasure chest" which is filled with little toys I found/bought and candy/fruit snacks. So no more begging for junk all day either because he knows he has to earn it! Been working on it a few days and so far so good.

[big-mouth-burgher]

Glad to hear that things are going well.